– Edit: Feb I had the flu, no entries for that month. This is so good and there are so many lessons, I will start posting several days, instead of a whole month. – Updated edit: From here on, when I’m thinking in my head, the words will be couched in :’s. When Jesus is talking to me in my head, the words will be couched in *’s
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3-5-18 The Well
“Nini, what do you see?”
‘I see grass and over there is a well. Can I look down it?’
“Of course you can. You can do anything you want up here.”
‘Really God? I won’t get in trouble if I don’t ask first?’
“For right now, you don’t have to ask first.”
‘Is it ok if I ask first until I get used to it? I guess it’s until I get used to you.’ [sort of crying]
God whispers, “yes baby girl, you can ask first.”
‘It’s the well-like Janine has on her product thing, that oil. It’s stone with the bucket on it and a roof on it.’
“Yes, do you like it?”
‘Yes, it’s pretty.’ “What do you see?”
I am in a white dress with a pink sash and I go up to the edge of the well. Right next to the stones and I start to look over and I remember that I might get dirty and I’m kind of afraid.
“You don’t get dirty in heaven,” Jesus said, reading my thoughts.
I see green glass covering the sides of the well all the way down. Shining and sparkling at the bottom is clear water with a bunch of different colored rocks down there. It’s really pretty. ‘Why are the rocks down there Daddy?’
“Because they’re pretty and I like them and they give life to the water.”
‘I thought that was me doing that God? Saying that the rocks give life to the water like frequencies.’
“It was a little bit you but the thought came from me.”
‘Do I do that often? Do I say things that the thought comes from you?’
“Yes. What else do you see?”
I see what looks like steps, like a ladder, but it’s steps in the green glass. ‘Why would somebody want to go down in the well?’
“Do you find it scary?” ‘Yes.’ “Why?” ‘Because I’d be afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get back up. Cause it’s slippery.’
“Do you want to try?” ‘Will you go with me?’ “Yes, I’ll go with you.” ‘You don’t mind getting your robes wet?’
Laughing, he said, “No, they dry quickly.” ‘Ok. What am I going to do when I’m down there?’
“Ah, very good, very good Nini, you thought about something and asked the question first. You didn’t just leap into it. I’m proud of you.”
Me, smiling, ‘Thank you.’ Waiting on what he’s going to say.
“This is about digging the wells. When you dig a well you find gold, you find jewels, you find wonderful things when you dig deeply.”
‘This isn’t about this well is it Daddy?’
“No baby, it’s not. It’s about going deeper in me and the deeper you go, the more wonderful things you will find out and see and do. You’re on the cusp Janine, you’re just starting and beginning this walk that I have brought you through your life too. You press into me and I take you deeper. Everything that is worth having has to be worked for.”
‘So this is like a dream, isn’t it God?’
“Yes Janine it is. Dreams are not always about what you’re dreaming about. Those are just the symbols that I use that you understand. Yes I know you don’t always understand how I put them together. But if you dig deeply, then you will find them. Yes, this is like a dream and I explain to you.”
‘You don’t always explain my dream to me. You want me to dig to find out and study right?’
“Yes.” ‘But the visions I have with you like this, you explain things to me right?’
“Yes. So you will learn how to decipher the dreams. So you will learn what to look for and what to see.”
‘There’s a lot of stuff with you, huh? Is it always a hidden message with you God? Do you ever just talk straight out?’
“Janine, you know I do. Go back and look at all the words I’ve given you. You know I do.”
‘How come you don’t talk straight all the time? I mean, why do you like us to dig so much?’
“To further yourself in me.”
‘God wouldn’t it be better to have the answers to the dreams, the interpretation of the dreams? I mean, it’s always having to dig to find out stuff about you, then hopefully understand it and understand it rightly.’
“That’s what these visions are for Janine. To give you understanding.”
‘But God, why don’t you just talk straight to us? Why don’t you just talk straight to me? Instead of having me dig so much? Digging in your Word and digging to find out the dreams and digging this and digging that. It seems like half the time I don’t understand the dreams that you give me. I dig and I dig but I don’t get the meaning. It seems I am frustrated all the time with you and your stuff. Sorry.’
“No need to be sorry babygirl. I understand. This is the way it is, just like prayer is the bridge for me, it’s the way I have it. You’ll understand one day.”
‘Oh God, that’s really funny. You sound like a parent to a child.’ God is laughing and laughing.
“Yep. You are. I am.”
3-6-18 the well
“Nini, Nini, come over here!”
I go running over to where Jesus is. He said, “remember the well from yesterday?”
I nod my head yes.
“Would you like to go down the well with me today?”
I want to say yes, but I’m afraid to say yes. But I know he wants me to say yes. So I’m just kind of scared, but then I nodded my head yes, but in my heart I said *not really*.
“You can hold on to a rock if you want too.”
He saw me rubbing my fingers back and forth together.
‘But there’s no rock here where I’m sitting, so I can’t and I don’t want to get up.’
“Why are you afraid?” ‘Because I’m afraid that I’ll get trapped down there. And I’m afraid that you’ll leave me alone.’ And I cry. I realize I still don‘t trust God.
So we head over to the well. I start praising the Lord. ‘It seems strange praising you when I’m standing right here with you. Jesus, I love you.’
“Do you trust me?” ‘I think I do. I’m trying too. Ok, I will fling myself in your arms and I will just do what you want.’
“You can go down on my back if you want.”
‘I can go down on your back??!! I don’t have to go down by myself first???’
He laughed and said, “No, you can go down on my back.”
‘Ok!’ Now I wanted to do it on my own. Because I had a choice.
‘Is it because I have a choice God? Is it ok if I don’t try to get over my fears and I go down on your back?’
“Yes it’s ok if you go down on my back.”
So I got up and I was going to go down on his back, but then I realized something and I asked him,
‘It won’t be the same if I go down on your back will it?’ “No, it won’t’ be.”
‘Well Jesus, then I want to go down first.’ He laughed and said “ok.”
I’m looking down at the well. ‘How do I do this? How do I get my foot over? Where do I put my foot?’
“Come right up close to the edge and swing your leg over.”
‘But Jesus, where do I put my foot after that?’ “You will find out after you swing your leg over.“
‘You’re kidding me. Ok ok, I know what you’re doing. You’re saying that I need to take the first step and then you’ll show me the next step. But Daddy, I’m ONLY 7!’
“That’s ok baby girl, lessons come at all ages and I’m right here with you and you haven’t been hurt, have you? When you trust in me, keep your hand in mine and go with me, then you’re ok, right?”
With a trembling voice I said, ‘right’. I’m getting fearful [in real life ] and I noticed that the pain in my left side pulsates more when I am fearful.
‘Ok Lord, Daddy.’ I was just getting ready to swing my leg over and I asked him if he could put pants on me. So now I’m in a cute jumpsuit with cute rubber boots on and hat. A pink hat with sparkles on it like a princess helmet hard hat.
I swing my leg over and I asked the Lord, ‘where do I put my foot?’ I can see the beautiful rocks, they’re shining like gemstones and the water is clear. I can see everything. Fear tries to make it look like it’s black and slimy and closing in on me, but that’s not how it is and I know that.
‘LORD, where do I put my foot?’ “Swing both legs over and you’ll see.”
‘YOU CAN”T MEAN THAT??! That wasn’t you, was it Lord?’
“No, it was not me. You are learning to have discernment of my voice. I don’t tell you to jump in with both feet. I tell you to take a step. And then another step. And to trust me with each step. However I do not tell you to just leap into something with both feet. You will understand later on.”
‘Yes Daddy, thank you. Daddy, will you tell me now how I know?’
“Because it was an unreasonable demand, or an unreasonable request. The more time you spend with me, the more you will know me and how I act and who I am.”
‘I thought I already did Jesus?’ “You do quite a bit baby girl, but we are going back in your life here and this isn’t the adult Janine, this is Nini.”
“Grab this here with your right hand.”
It was like a pole. So I grabbed it and he said, “now hold on to the other one on the other side.”
So I did.
“Now, feel around with your foot. See if you feel anything.”
I was feeling around on the wall with my foot and said,
‘Yes, I feel a niche.’
“So is it wide enough for both feet?” ‘Yes, it’s wide enough for both feet’ I said after feeling with my foot.
“Put your foot in that niche.” I did.
“Now swing your other foot over and put it in that niche.” So I did.
“Nini, you have gloves on, see?” ‘Yes, I see.’
“It’s easier now for you to grab ahold of those poles. Because they grasp onto the poles and you won’t be slipping. You thought you were going to slip didn’t you?”
‘Yes Jesus, I did.’
“See, I provide you with what you need. It may be that you think I only provide at the last minute, but it’s not. I have it all planned out. Just like you wanted to have pants on, so you have pants on and without you even knowing it, all of a sudden you have gloves on. You have what you need Nini. I have given you throughout your entire life, everything that you need. Ok?”
He laughed and said, “you’ll remember this later. So now, reach down with one of your feet and find the next niche.”
I did. And all of a sudden, Jesus is right there at my side.
So I’m going down, step by step. And Jesus is right there beside me. I said, ‘I’m awful close to the water Jesus.’
“It’s ok, you have your boots on, you can step into the water.”
I looked at him like I was going to be afraid, but I’m not going to be afraid. So I stepped into the water.
Then, in front of me there’s a tunnel! You go through the tunnel and it comes out into a meadow! ‘Wow Jesus, wow!’
“Yes, isn’t it beautiful? You just have to get over your fear and you will be able to see the things I have for you here.”
I laughed and told him he was doing that rhyming thing. He laughed.
“Babygirl, always keep your hand in mine. Always remember I am right with you. I am never, ever, ever, going to leave you. Even when you are fearful, I am still with you. You just have to rebuke the enemy. Remember that 2 yr old. You quote scriptures and you tell him that he has to back off. You tell him he has to flee and you use my name, ‘Jesus’ and he will go. He cannot stand to hear scriptures or my name.
Babygirl, if you can stand it, you can put these on your blog. I know it’s very personal to you. That’s why I say if you can stand it. You don’t have too, but it will help other people who stumble across this site.”
‘You know I will Daddy, if it helps other people.’
“I know you will babygirl, but I wanted to give you the choice. For tonight, we are done. Meet me back here tomorrow.”
‘Yes Daddy. Thank you for not thinking less of me because I was afraid.’
Jesus smiled gently at me and said, “I never think less of you. I see you as you really are. You are brave, you are a brave little girl. You are very giving and you care deeply about other people. I love you Janine. You are my special girl. I love spending time with you and there is absolutely nothing that you could do or say that would ever make me think less of you.”
“Why so downcast little one?”
‘Because it’s hard to be an adult sometimes. It’s hard to keep the faith, to not be in fear, to believe. Sometimes it’s just too hard.’
“I know, I know it feels like that sometimes.” ‘Are you going to heal Janine’s bones?’
“Yes.” ‘When?’ “When the time is right.” ‘Isn’t the time right now?’ “No.”
‘But her face hurts.’ “I know. Things will get better. She’s doing this diet now.”
Me, still downcast, ‘ok. I am with you the way I truly am inside, huh? At the age I am now?
“Yes, at the different ages. But mostly, you are younger. That’s why we are spending time teaching you now. The Father AND the Mother you asked for, remember?”
‘Yes.’ “You want to just climb up into my lap?” ‘Yes.’ So I climbed up and put my head on his chest.
‘It’s just so hard Jesus, it’s just so hard. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel. Does it ever get any easier? The believing?’
“Yes, it does get easier. As you exercise your faith, little by little things happen and you believe and it happens. And that encourages your faith and then you believe more. It’s like everything else Nini, the more you do it, the stronger you get.”
Jesus has his arms wrapped around me. I’m just going to snuggle on his chest.
‘Jesus?’ “Yes?” ‘Will you sing to me?’ “What do you want me to sing?” ‘I dunno.’
“How about I have the angels sing to you?” ‘Ok. Jesus, thank you for this time to just sit.’
“You’re welcome my girl.” ‘Is it ok if I go to bed now’?’ “Yes.”
3-8-18 Slide, Grace, 1st Cork
I started off asking Jesus to forgive me for being rebellious and fearful. And then I started crying.
“Nini, Nini, why are you crying?”
I looked up at him and started sobbing. ‘Because I haven’t done anything you told me to do.’
“That’s not true. You started the blog when I told you to do it.”
‘Ok, so one thing. But there’s nothing else. I didn’t start eating right until now and you told me to do that a long time ago. I just read it tonite from my journal. You told me to do a lot of things, get the book done, eat right, get off of sugar, get off of Facebook and I don’t. I’m abjectly, horribly, deeply, terribly sorry.’
“That’s where grace comes in.” ‘But I’m always needing grace because I don’t obey.’
“I have more than enough grace for everybody many, many times over. Everyone needs grace. You need grace, your neighbor needs grace, everybody needs grace. Grace is not a one-shot deal Janine. I know that you’re not going to obey and I have made provision just for that.”
‘Seriously? You don’t get upset or disappointed?’
Jesus laughed and said, “No, I don’t get disappointed. I know what you’re going to do before you do it.”
‘So that’s true Jesus, that you know what we’re going to say and what we’re going to do before we do it??’
“Of course it is my girl. I am, after all, God.” Jesus smiled as he said that and reached out his right hand to me. “Do you need more time to cry or do you want to come on a little adventure with me?”
‘Am I forgiven just like that?’ and I snapped my fingers. “Even though I have been disobedient for so long?’
“Yes, of course you are.” ‘But what about the consequences?’
“Well, the consequences are still there. But they can be righted. Many of them can be righted. By you doing correctly and sometimes, it takes my touch.”
‘I think that’s where Christians get upset with you, me included. Because it’s like since we’re so sorry and we really are sorry, then why don’t you wipe out the consequences?’
“Because everything is a law and effect. I can’t wipe out my laws, the rules, because you or anyone else has repented. That wouldn’t be fair Nini. I am a just God. I am a loving God. However I am also just and fair.”
I’m thinking in my head, [first instance of showing the colon’s to signify thinking in my head. From here on, I won’t be saying, ‘thinking in my head’] :that just doesn’t seem right:
Jesus said, “I also extend grace. So for some, those who actually turn away from what they were doing and stop what they were doing, I extend grace and many times there are no consequences. Sometimes there are consequences that must be paid by them. It’s all related to what I’m doing honey, it’s all on who I am teaching and what I am teaching.
You’re learning is coming along very nicely Nini. I don’t want you to get bogged down in thinking, I don’t want you to start thinking. It’s time for us to play. Are you ready to play?”
‘Yes Daddy. Can I call you Daddy? Are you my Daddy or is God my Daddy?’
“We are your Daddy. You may call us whatever you like sweetheart.”
‘Oh LOOK! There’s a slide!’
“Would you like to play on the slide?” ‘YES! I didn’t see it before!’ Jesus only smiled.
I turned to him and asked, ‘May I hang my dress up and have play clothes?’
Jesus smiled and said “Of course.” I looked down and I saw I had a romper on. A one piece thing like I had when I was little. I really like those. They’re fun and they’re easy to wear and it made me happy. It’s blue and white checked, or plaid. Seersucker my mom would call it.
Even though the slide is in the sun, it’s not hot to slide down. And there’s trees all around. The pretty kind of trees. I keep seeing stumps of cork to the left side of the slide and I know that cork is spongy and soft. I don’t know why they are there. They are the light brown of cork, like a light beige. I climbed up the straight ladder to slide down. When I looked at it, it was just a straight down slide.
When I got on it, it was a straight down slide. But when I started sliding down it, all of a sudden it turned into a curly q slide. Those are so much fun! Going down the slide, I ended up at the bottom on a pile of marshmallows! Everyone knows that once you get to the bottom of the slide, if you’re going too fast, then you slide off and sometimes you land hard on the ground on your butt. I was going pretty fast down the slide and I ended up on the marshmallows. It was so cool. They were so soft! They were all white with the flat edge a kind of very light tan color. I was laughing and Jesus was laughing. He really does like to see me have fun.
‘Jesus? What are those cork stumps over there for?’ Jesus took me by the hand, his right hand in my left and we walked over there.
“Would you like to stand on one?” I looked up at him quizzically and said ‘yes.’
So he lifted our hands and I stood up on top of one of the stumps. I was pushing up and down on it with my feet. Not jumping on it, just pushing. It was really spongy. Then, still holding Jesus’ hand, I walked to the second one, then the third one and then to the fourth one and then I was back at the first one.
‘Jesus, what are they here for? Do they have a special meaning?’
“Ah, yes they do. Would you like to learn the lesson of the cork now or would you like to learn it tomorrow?”
‘I don’t know Lord. I’m kind of sleepy. And I want to read that fire on the altar book. Is it very long?’ I asked while I was yawning.
Jesus laughed and said, “Why don’t we do it tomorrow night? You will be more awake and it is kind of long.”
‘ok, thank you Jesus. Thank you for your grace, thank you for your patience with me.’
‘‘It’s my pleasure sweetheart. I love you Nini, go have a good night’s sleep.”
‘Jesus? Before I go, I had too many calories today, well, Janine did. She was trying really hard, would you please make it so that it doesn’t affect her because she had too many carbs?”
“Yes honey, I will take care of it”.
‘Thank you Daddy.’
“My pleasure my girl.”