The “Missing” Connection – Trusting Self

4.1.22 10.25a

‘Oh God! It’s not that I don’t believe you! It’s that I don’t trust that I’m hearing you. Why is that? Will you heal me of it?’

“Yes, I certainly will.”

‘Why do you always have to be asked?’

“I don’t always. However it’s best to ask so you are aware of the situation and what the needs are.  Because just like you, I don’t like to be taken for granted.”

‘Ohhhh, that’s why we are to thank you and praise you and be grateful all the time huh? Because you are always doing things for us that we don’t even see or know about.’

He smiled.

‘Lord I was just thinking I wish I was a better Christian. But I am the Christian that I am. Then I realized I was comparing. This being more easy on myself, less hard on myself, this is a hard thing. I was reading Galatians chapter 1. So Paul just went out and started preaching. He was called by you and so he went.

So I don’t need a person to accept me. I don’t need a human to acknowledge my place in God’s kingdom to prophecy, evangelize, tell others of God in any way. I didn’t seek another to say it’s ordained that I should write songs! I don’t need someone to say yes, you may do what you’ve been told to do by God.

Lord, I have always been seeking permission to be who I am. Because others have not accepted who you created me to be. And Satan wanted to keep me down so I wouldn’t be or do who you created me to be. Yesss, I’ve had rough edges, but that doesn’t negate who I am.

GOD! I have struggled to be accepted and acceptable ALL my life!! THAT what’s what Christine meant when she prophesied to me in 1988 that people don’t reject me, they reject the rejection I project. And I projected that rejection because I was rejected all the time. But it was a twisting of rejection from satan. I was not rejected! People like me! People have always liked me! Those that don’t like me have issues in their emotional makeup.

YOU like me God! You have told me repeatedly you are pleased with me and proud of me. And me thinking and/or feeling there was a disconnect between us, is, again, something the enemy put in me as a child. That *I* am not enough, not good enough, not acceptable enough in behavior, looks, whatever. There isn’t a disconnect!

Lord! I am NOT behind the 8 ball!!!!!!’

“No, you are not.” He smiled.

I have discernment. I trust myself. I hear and see correctly. God is on my side. He doesn’t lie to me. He is always looking out for me, protecting me. He has my best interests at heart. Because he loves me. Forever. He loves me. It’s all well and good to speak out loud, but it’s in my head that everything happens.

This is the “missing” connection. Not knowing God loves you. Not realizing, but pushing away what is real and what is truth, because we fear. We fear ourselves, we don’t trust ourselves, we don’t trust what we hear. We think we can do it all ourselves. The ‘missing’ connection has been twisted and tangled because of circumstances and things that have happened in our lives. Because promises have been broken, because of things we have done or seen that we think are unspeakable. But they are not unspeakable. It could be an act of war, it could be from shame, it could be from anything. Nothing is unspeakable to God. God sees all, knows all. We need to speak it out loud in order to get it out of our heads and bring it into the light to be healed.

The “missing connection” is us thinking we know everything. It’s us operating from a base of fear and self reliance instead of trust & belief.

Without You in my life, I would have no life. Without You changing my mind, healing my emotions, being patient with me. OH Lord! You are patience!!

You have gently, consistently shown yourself to me; told me, encouraged me, been my cheerleader. Always always always.

You have NEVER let me down, given up on me, washed your hands of me.

You have ALWAYS reassured me. You have NEVER been churlish, inpatient, angry, perturbed or exasperated with me. You have ALWAYS been loving, forgiving, fun and encouraging.

YOU ARE.

Wherever I go. There you are. If I am in the wilderness, there you are.