Divorce means you move on. You leave the area, you leave the sphere of influence someone had over your life, in your emotions. Letting Go, movin’ on, going forth. Be happy, be set free today!
My Dad’s body died August 17, 2021. We were estranged. His choice, because he couldn’t control me any longer since I finally laid down boundaries. I’ve come late to understanding things, what can I say? 🙂
Today, I was listening to Charlie Houpert of “Charisma On Command”. He was telling about a break up he had and what he learned from it. He learned that to truly love someone, you want them to be happy no matter who they are with or where they are.
We never know what someone is thinking or feeling. Never. Even if they say they are telling us, we never know the deepest thoughts and feelings, or the nuances. [Except for me on this blog. 🙂 ]
LIGHT BULB. At some point in my life, be it in the womb or after, my Dad wanted me to be happy. My mother wanted me to be happy. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, whether it’s you causing the happiness or another.
I have been struggling for decades on forgiving both my parents and in walking the Christian walk. I have forgiven both of them several times. But today, I am set free. I am moving on. I’ve divorced both of them.
There is NO ONE on the face of this earth that thinks to themself, ‘I’m going to have a child so they can be miserable, so I can hate them’.
So, in the shower just now, getting all this in my head, I said, “I divorce you too”. My dad divorced me so many times in his life because there were times I wouldn’t let him control me as an adult. The last time was 2015. He cut off all communication with me. See previous post.
My mother divorced me for the last time in 1992 when she told me she didn’t want to be my mother.
Both of them ceased talking to me. My mother? Well, she has an older daughter, my sister Cindy, that she dotes on. Since she refused to teach me anything, I wasn’t someone she wanted around. Nor did she want to be ‘friends’ with me as she said she was with my sister.
BUT. At one point in my life, whenever it was, she wanted me to be happy. Even though later she abandoned me, neglected me, emotionally abused me, at some point, she wanted me to be happy!
At some point in my life, my Dad wanted me to be happy. Even though later he molested me, neglected me, abandoned me, cursed me, called me names and browbeat me, at some point, he wanted me to be happy.
The Lord told me many years ago that prayer has no time frame, no limits on when it can be used. I can pray for someone now for something that happened last week and because there is no time frame or limits on prayers, the Lord can use it last week. [It’s where neutrinos come in]
Just as with God, because He FIRST loved us, He sent His Son to redeem us. So, at some point, my Dad and my Mom loved me and wanted me to be happy.
I can love them enough to want them to be happy too.
To that end: I wish him well, may he be happy. Yes, even though his body is dead now, I can still do this. Because it’s in MY heart and soul that healing takes place.
Divorce means you move on. I’m moving on, leaving the sphere of influence you had over my life. I’m divorcing you.
Today is my Mom’s birthday, Aug 24. I was going to call and wish a happy birthday, but not now. Why? Because #1, she hasn’t returned several calls I made earlier this year and #2, it’s not worth my time or energy anymore.But mostly why? Because today, I AM FREE!
BECAUSE at one point -and it may have been an infinitesimal point, but it was there – she wanted me happy. So, today, I wish you well. May you be happy. I divorce you. I’m movin’ on.
AND I AM FREE!!!!! Try it! Try thinking that your parent wanted you at some point. It’s true you know, you know it’s true. And go with that. Feel it, revel in it, know it deep in your soul. And be set free.
p.s. I am going to get a bunch of balloons filled with helium, using a marker, write acts or emotions I am freeing myself of and turn them loose. I am going to make a heart shape on two, one for each parent and release it as well.