Still Lost, But Without the Struggle

eastern swallowtail butterfly

I have never felt so lost in my life. I’ve had times of not knowing what to do and times of my interests changing, but never, ever have I felt so unlike me. I often feel like I’m just paddling in place. For decades, since becoming a Christian 45 years ago, I have struggled. Strived […]

Things Are Changing 7.7.23

Times are changing. This is a word the Lord gave me on July 7, 2023. {7.7.23} I thought the date was interesting. The perfect timing of God. We have until Sept to call things that are not, as though they are. To decree and declare America will be saved. I will make a post on […]

The “Missing” Connection – Trusting Self

4.1.22 10.25a ‘Oh God! It’s not that I don’t believe you! It’s that I don’t trust that I’m hearing you. Why is that? Will you heal me of it?’ “Yes, I certainly will.” ‘Why do you always have to be asked?’ “I don’t always. However it’s best to ask so you are aware of the situation […]

Addressing Fear


Well, I’ve been reading my journal and posting it on youtube. As the Lord has asked me to do. The purpose is to let others know they are not alone. It’s basically a story to me and for me, yet also for everyone and anyone else that wants to avail themselves of the lessons, wisdom, […]


It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been going thru some stuff. The last of my molestors died in August. My dad. I have learned a LOT. I have made a flower essence called Rite of Passage and I’ve made one for dealing with the anger and hurt for when your molester dies. I’ll […]

What a RELIEF To Finally Say It! 9.10.21

normal American family

What a RELIEF to finally say it OUT LOUD. My earthly Dad molested me! My earthly mother abandoned me, neglected me, emotionally abused me. She’s still alive in body, in Elk Grove, Ca. WHAT A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY! And it continues with those that are without Jesus that are still alive. So this is my entry […]

My Dad’s Body Died Last Nite

Well, my Dad’s body died last nite, Aug 17. The one who molested me, talked dirty to me, called me names, cussed me out. The one who ghosted me so many times when he couldn’t get his way, I’ve lost count. The last time being 2015, when he told me how stupid I was that […]

Pray This Out Loud If You Need Healing

Pray this out loud if you need healing. You might want to take the communion as well. “Thank you LORD for Your redemption. You were wounded for my transgressions, bruised for my iniquities and You took upon the chastisement that brought me peace. By Your stripes I am healed in the name of Jesus. “I […]

Just What Specifically IS Sin? What, Specifically IS the Blood of Jesus?

What does it mean to be born into a ‘sin’ world? What is sin anyway? “They” say we are born into sin. “They” say be free from your sins. Just exactly, what are sins? What is a ‘sin world’? In basic training at Fort McClellan, 1973, there was a gal in my company, Carolyn Postell. […]

Adopted – The Adoption Issue of Gentiles

6.11.21 The adoption issue of Gentiles into the Jewish line and receiving the blessings of Abraham has plagued me for DECADES. Do I REALLY get the blessings of Abraham? How? I get I am adopted, but somehow I didn’t get ‘it’. So I was looking up some scripture and saw something. I started investigating the […]